My relationship with my so-called best friend is rather confusing to many and in fact, has ended become the basic seed of jealousy in other relationships. I am always honest and up front with new people that come into my life. I tell them that Cricket is my best friend, he will always come first, and if I am put in a position to choose one or the other, I will choose Cricket. However, they think they can handle it-but in the end, they can not, thus the relationship dissolves. This might be a defense mechanism though because the right guy for me will know how to handle this situation to where I do not have to chose. Right now, Cricket is not being very useful to me, and is more of a burden, but my values tell me not to abort mission.
Cricket lives with me, I pay the bills, I take care of him financially. I have taught him the ways of being on the more responsible right hand path. He has a job making cell phone app's that is part time. He can not afford much and his pay is never steady. He can not get a real-life job for numerous reasons-the main one being his criminal record. This is not an easy task for me, although I make good money, I am not rich. We live in a two bedroom apartment and share a room because we have a third roommate who occupies the other room. He sleeps during the day and I sleep at night. I will not throw him out on the street or let him starve. However, I do not keep him here. If he wants to leave he can at any time. I complain a lot about him sometimes because I wish I didn't have all the weight of the world on my shoulders. So "why?" is probably what keeps going through your head.
It's simple. He saved my life. When I gave up and pushed everyone and everything away from me, he was the only person to walk in and treat me like a solider. He wasn't nice and lovey, he made me think and analyze the situations that kept me in a horrid depression. He was mean, he honestly and accurately pointed out my flaws every day. He never left even when I disappointed him, even when I tried to push him away, or walk away. He knows how I work and my darkest fears. For that, I love him, without any expectations. Only one other person in my life, ever tried to really know me beyond the persona that I put out. That person, I told you about before, is the love of my life. I used to have Cricket on this huge pedestal but he is no longer, we are equals, with our own strengths and weaknesses. When we work together, things happen, we impact the world. This is what I mean when I say the binary star.
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Cricket and I are also business partners. We have a company called Wicked City Multimedia. The main goal is to bring art to the science community through different media facets. It started off the we were going to create the world of "wicked city" ( a metaphor for a postmodern world that is in Cricket's head) by making it a game. An rpg as we made the protocol then as we tested things out it was going on a virtual platform. The ideas in this game are very explicit. The world is vile, it is full of villains and vixens, a lot of left hand path ideas are considered the norms. It is a world in which humans and post humans exists A lot of postmodern elements rule the culture and lifestyle. There is a story line that the gamers can follow. The story line is based off parallel events and people in his life. So when we were in this stage of thinking, it was imperative for the stakeholders of the company to address a character archetype when in the public eye. I naturally, decided to be a vixen. Cricket took on the role of being a villain and he mastered the idea of social game. Social game theory is an element to the role play, it is basically strategies to manipulate social situations to your advantage. At this point in time, I began to visualize myself as this vixen type, and quite frankly it terrified me. I like being nice and sweet and naive. I am not a sexual harlot so to speak and actually before I met Cricket I hated having sex. Don't confuse that. I have NEVER as much as held Cricket's hand, let alone had sex with him. He just made me open up about my feelings on it and helped me reflect on things that have happened to me to make me such a prude. So we made a lot of progress with the company, but Cricket's brain works to fast for things to be materialized. I learned to love Wicked City. I got to put in my own story lines and ideas in places, I got to do some art inspired projects, and photography. So, as I am working on getting things done for the RPG, he switches modes on me.
This is where the lab experiment and the D/s game comes into play. He decided that because he is dominant in most social situations that he wanted to experiment with being submissive. There is a whole other element to this from his perspective (but it is his story to share), so anyways, I am submissive to him and therefore, I was not the correct person for the job. He turned to IMVU, however, to keep me in the loop he challenged me to try to be dominant in the relationships that I have. I do not really get off with virtual worlds, so I play this game in real life with people who want to do it. We have went to a few dungeons here and I even ended up taking one class on submission though! So now, you see why this is so important. To me it is an experiment to see what I can learn about sex, fetishes, and the community. To him, it is becoming a way of life. He wants to open up a dungeon and everything through our company. I am not so sure how I truly feel about it because it does relate back to some of the scenes in Wicked City. I think he is jumping the gun, we first need to put out our ideas and philosophies, then worry about making "theme parks". So tonight I am going to go talk to Zillah about all of this, he is the third stakeholder in our company. Wish me luck....
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