Nothing More

There is nothing more in this world that I have ever wanted but to find true love. Today I learned that no matter what I do, with what type of person, or how much I try it will never exist for me. I have been told in the past two weeks by three people that my expectations are to high.

All I expect is for people to treat me the way that I treat them. 

Why is that so hard to comprehend?

So here it is all laid out, call me a villain, but these are my true thoughts about the current trends that  humanity has set before me.

#1 I took care of your ass, I paid the bills, I went to work everyday, I bought our food, I took you everywhere you wanted to go-even when we couldn't afford it. I gave you all of my time because you demanded it from and then pouted when I wasn't there. I made your dreams come true. I helped you figure out your problems, I was patient with you, I listened to you, I  changed for you, I took you to the hospital and wasted my time when you were hurt. I had faith in you, when no one else really did. Is it really that difficult to show your appreciation and hold a conversation?

#2 I am nice to you when I have no reason to be. You don't like me, you like the fact that I make you feel good about yourself. I thought because we felt the same way about a lot of things that we would connect, but there is no connection. I was honest, more honest than I have ever been with another human being. I was excited,  I was happy, I wanted this adventure, but today, you just made me realize, that there is no room for me in your life. I am not mad nor am I writing you off,  I just figured you out.

#3 You are the biggest problem of them all. You left me when I needed you the most. You left me to deal with OUR fucking problems, while you simply brush through life partying and mooching off of everyone that you can. My thoughts of love and beauty have become so deranged that I am loosing everything I have. Of everyone on this planet, you are the one I should hate, the one I should want to strangle or find dead in a gutter, but I don't. I can't and I never will.

I have learned  to understand most points of view and be the most open minded person in the world, I hold each of your dark secrets and I still love you regardless.  In the end, I am just as fucked as all of you, I can just function in society a little bit better. From these 3 examples anyone can clearly see that my life consistently repeats itself and has for the past 13 years. So why don't I change it? Simple: the rest of you fuckers bore me to death. Though my feelings are hurt today and probably will be for awhile, I live for the thrill and excitement. I do not regret a single choice that I have made, I have just learned that I have to be more cautious, and perhaps, like my 3 examples above, a lot more selfish.